Page 85 - NIXBOOK

The time I tackled a drunk idiot to the ground and as I was cuffing him, became dismayed to discover he had a lot of diarrhea
on the outside of his pants. And on my handcuffs. And on my hands.

“You can’t arrest me, my uncle is the governor!” The guy wearing my handcuffs was serious; his uncle actually, literally was the
state governor at the time. But the suspect’s five-year old stepson had a mark on his forehead from the ring on the guy’s hand
when he had punched the kid in the face, so off to jail he went. I’m not cool with people punching little kids in the face.

Teen driver crashed dad’s car and fled the scene. I found the car, called dad, told him to call son and have him come back to the
scene. I didn’t care so much about the crashing part, it was the fleeing and leaving behind a mystery crashed car that irked me.
Dad calls me back and reported his son was saying somebody else stole the car and must have crashed it. I tell dad witnesses
report seeing his son flee the scene and son better come back and not tell me some BS story about a car thief. Dad convinces
son to walk back to the scene. The boy tries to give me a BS story about how somebody else must have stolen the family car and
crashed it. I had been a cop longer than that kid had been alive so I did not buy his story for a second.

The woman who had a car wheel come off - while she was driving at 40 mph - and go bouncing away down into the woods.
“Not my day,” she said. “The health district also just gave me a failing grade on my restaurant.” Me: “Oh, that’s interesting.
Say..ah..which restaurant would this be?”