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Woman called 911 in a panic; she just discovered the man in her kitchen was not her husband, but a prowler! She had been
upstairs with her baby and heard noises in the kitchen. Came downstairs to say hi to hubby and found burglar man instead. She
screamed, and he ran back out the garage door. The woman and her husband (who had been out walking the dog) agreed that
maybe it might not be the best idea to leave their garage door wide open anymore. This was in a densely packed neighborhood,
in the middle of the day. It happens.

A woman came to the police department to complain about the financial manager for her neighborhood’s homeowner’s
association. The woman was a couple years behind on her payments..$25 dollars a year, for two years… = $50 bucks. The HOA
had sent her some letters asking for her to pay, and now the homeowner didn’t like their tone or emails and wanted me to file
the letters from the HOA lady in charge, you know, to add in to her personal file against her. I told the woman that we were not
the West German police from the Cold War – we didn’t keep files on citizens just because, and I wasn’t going to accept any
random letters to add to any files like that. I told her to go home and file them herself in her own file cabinet.

Guy in an excavator was widening out his dirt road, taking out some wild shrubs and trees. Tree hugging neighbor went
apoplectic over the machinery destroying nature, and she threw herself in front of the excavator to stop it. Actually, she threw
herself BEHIND the excavator. While it was moving. The police (that’s me) had to explain to her why and how that was super
stupid.

Two dudes in the Home Depot are casually shopping, sporting one AR-15 each strapped on their back. You know, as one does.
The police are called for and I show up. I have to ask them if they’re planning on a mass shooting or if they’re just making a big
stupid show of exercising their rights. Answer: just exercising their rights. Since it’s totally legal, I can’t make them take off their
guns, even though a lot of other patrons were a little freaked out. Eventually the two walked out. Fortunately, as the years went
on that became a rarer thing to have to deal with, as even the dumbest of the legal gun owners got the memo that doing so
would be more likely to cause sheer panic amongst the citizenry instead of making them all feel safer.