Page 217 - NIXBOOK

Homeless guy, downtown, Front Street. He’s got the wild beard, dirty clothes, and likes to rant and rave about random things.
He’s got a fabulous brown hat that’s got not much form or shape; it looks like just a classic hillbilly Appalachian mountain man
hat that is just perfect for him. So I have to go talk to him again and tell him to stop yelling at the tourists. He explains that
people keep wanting to pet his cat. (He does have a cat on a leash) “This cat is my wife! I don’t want people to pet her! How
would you like it if people wanted to pet YOUR wife all the time!” This topic of course raises many questions. I didn’t ask any of
them.

Me, at home. Very off duty. Out of uniform. Doorbell rings. (I hate that sound, BTW) I go answer the door, this better be
goddamn good because I have a very clear, obnoxiously loud NO SOLICITORS EVEN IF GOD SENT YOU sticker on my front
door and it’s one of my neighbors who wants me to know that there were some girls, maybe 12 years old, playing out on the icy
pond down the street. Because it was winter and the pond iced over. But not thick enough for kids to be playing on it, which is
why there was a locked chain link fence surrounding it. Me, slightly horrified: “Are they out there right now?!?” Guy on my
doorstep: “No, it was about a half hour ago.” Me, more horrified: “Where are they now!?!” Him: “I dunno.”

One of the new sheriff’s deputies, a nice young man, introduced himself to me and shook my hand. “Hi Officer Hoke! You were
my DARE Officer when I was in middle school!”

Homeless guy living out of his car got into an argument with another homeless guy living in another car. The aggressor decided
to end the argument by pulling out a samurai sword and charge at his opponent with the sword raised over his head, the victim-
to-be thought for sure he was going to get sliced open but a witness a hundred feet away yelled out the cops were being called.
The swordsman abruptly stopped his attack and decided to flee the scene. In his haste, he left behind, uh, a letter from his
probation officer. Which made solving and identifying the suspect pretty easy for me. A few hours later I came across the
swordsman and took him into custody at gunpoint; ideally that would have a been a multiple-officer contact but I was solo at
that time. Later, one of my coworkers said “Well, it’s not really a samurai sword, it’s a Katana.” I looked at him.
“Ohhh…WHATEVER!”