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Gas station attendant called 911 to report a customer had left a wallet behind. I show up and the ID is for an out-of-state resident.
Actually from out of the country. The more I look in there, the more interesting it gets: the owner had an ID card and business
cards that showed he was a private pilot for a charter jet company in the middle east. And not just any company; a very exclusive
one that looked like, according to their website, most of their clients were Saudi Princes. The pilot’s wallet also had a ton of
paper money from a half dozen different Arabian countries. Between his wallet and the website, I caught enough of a glimpse
into this guy’s life to make me quite envious. I eventually found him; he was visiting his mother in town and had forgot his
wallet at the gas station; which I was able to return to him. I didn’t get any, but I’ll be he had a ton of interesting stories.

Man walked into the post office and told the clerk behind the counter that somebody wearing a gas mask just dropped something
into the mailbox out front. The clerk told the postmaster, who called the postal inspectors office over in Seattle. They decided
that the post office should close, evacuate, and not let anybody near the big blue metal mailbox drop box out front. The bomb
squad is called to respond and go into the drop box. They find only letters; no Taliban bio weapons or anything. Turns out the
deposit had been made by one of the local residents- a woman who is overly sensitive to odors and fragrances. So sensitive, she
wears a double cartridge respirator on the front of her face out in public. So….not really a gas mask..there IS a difference…

A new resident complains about speeders on the very long straight stretch of road in the woods near his house. My sympathy
meter doesn’t move much for him; I know my local history and I’m well aware that the road there has been used a drag strip by
local kids going back to the 1940’s. Like, literally for the past three generations. Not much I can do about that, sir.