Page 212 - NIXBOOK

Lady lost control of her SUV and rolled it at high speed onto its side on Fjord Drive; blowing out most of the windows and
sending the contents of the vehicle out all over the street like a yard sale. She was on a little too many prescription pills. It was
the wife of one my coworkers, who was on duty at that time. She was really, really, lucky she didn’t go off the embankment down
into the bay and into the water.

Same woman – wife of one of my fellow patrol officers – lost control of her other car and drove it deep into the woods. The car
was found in the early morning hours, with the keys and purse still in there, but she was long gone. She tried telling us that
what happened was, that, well, there was this bear! And it had run out into the road in front of her! And so she had to swerve,
and wound up, yeah, driving about a 1oo feet off the road into the woods, fortunately not hitting a single tree. She could not
explain why she then ran home a couple miles away, leaving behind her purse and keys in the car. Her story: Not Believable.

I find myself participating in a multi-agency emergency police response to a house where somebody inside is claiming a gunman
has just burst in and killed several people, and the caller is hiding in a closet. It sounds like complete BS. It sounds like a
“SWATing” call. But we’re quite obligated to swarm the area and call out the people in the house, who of course are all fine, had
no clue what was going on, and were shitting to see police officers everywhere – some up close and personal and others peering
from around other nearby houses and cars, all with their rifles out, surrounding their house. The teen girl inside was a live-
stream gaming personality on a popular channel, which made her a target that day for some reason. Whomever called in that
BS police call was no doubt disappointed we hadn’t kicked in the doors with flash bang grenades and pointed our guns at
everybody in the house with her webcam catching all the action.

A woman died in her house. Nothing suspicious; she was old and dying. Her younger neighbor had found her, the day after
Thanksgiving. She was distraught. I told her that she was in luck, so to speak, because I had the fire department’s new chaplain
with me at that moment; he was on a ride along. We both turned to the chaplain and for some reason he was not in chaplain
mode and could not turn it on for a very long moment; he looked like a deer in headlights. It was actually quite funny and I
laughed about that to him for years afterward.