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The time I saw a deputy coroner at a death scene call the next of kin to deliver the news. His offer of condolences fell flat though
when he kept saying the wrong name, which I thought was positively hilarious. I know..I’m going to hell.

When I was a School Resource Officer, I caught a high school kid once who had pulled the fire alarm and caused an evacuation
of the school. He later explained he was curious about how far down he could pull the lever before it activated. I told him he
was probably going to be excluded from ever getting a job in a nuclear power plant. Or on a submarine. Or on a space station.

A sailor and his girlfriend were at a party one night. When they left and went back to their car, they found broken glass. I looked
it over and announced with some authority that whoever had done it was mad at one them, and yes this one was personal.
Because the car had not one, not two, but three broken-in windows, which is exactly two more than the average car prowler
breaks to get into a random car.

I impounded a driver’s pickup truck because his license to drive was suspended. Funny part was, I wasn’t even planning to check
his name, I was just going to give him a simple warning for speeding and do a real quick catch and release. But he “wanted to be
honest” with me so he blurted out right away “I don’t have a valid drivers license!” Again, I wasn’t even going to bother to check
that. That statement cost him well over $1,000 dollars in tickets and a very expensive tow bill for his truck. Which he was living
in. So..yeah..I towed his home, too. Remember folks, you have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can be used
against you.