Page 208 - NIXBOOK

Parking lot under-construction scene: a large utility hole in the ground had some rental barricades around it. The barricades got
stolen. By another general contractor, who needed to close off HIS hole in the ground nearby at another construction site. I
found him and he admitted taking the barricades. Because, you know, he had a hole in the ground he needed to keep safe. He
got charged with theft. Twenty years later, he ran for mayor. He did not get my vote. He got like hardly any votes, actually.

Lady was in a tanning salon. She got out of the tanning bed and while putting on her clothes, she spotted a cell phone on the
floor looking up at her; lens side up. Ladies: If you ever see a phone like that aimed at you, follow these instructions: 1: grab
phone, 2: then scream. Must be in that order. Because if you scream first, a hand will appear in the gap under the floor partitions
and snatch the phone back. Also, if the perv runs out the tanning salon right after that, it is permissible to yell at the front
counter girl that a pervert is running out the door. Otherwise he’ll get away. But I eventually caught him. He was like 60 years
old; most likely hoping to get a video of a woman younger than 57, which is what he got. He made up some story to his wife
about how his phone fell on the floor and he didn’t actually mean to take a video of the woman in the booth next to him.

I’m at my home, and the doorbell rings. I peer out the peephole. Some guy trying to sell magazines has decided the “no solicitors”
sign on my door doesn’t apply to him. I open the door and he is so shocked to see a uniformed police officer suddenly in the
doorway that he gasps and steps back. I don’t say a word, I just point to the sign. He quickly turns and leaves.