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The time frame of all these stories and pictures spans 27 years - from 1993 to 2020. Nothing is shown chronologically or
categorically; it's all completely random and is an accurate representation of my organizational skills. If some stories make you
cringe and wince and suspect some laws or at least department policies must have surely been blatantly violated, there’s a pretty
good chance that those particular stories are from three decades ago when there were less laws and my police department's
always-growing and increasingly-restrictive policy manual was not yet over 600 pages long, full of thou-shalts and shalt-nots.

Alright, still with me? Looks like we're going to dive in here then. Lastly, let me prepare you...some stories are funny, some are
the complete opposite of funny, and a few will be shockingly horrific with no warning. Welcome to what was my world:

A citizen had called 911 to report an injured opossum was out by the curb in front of their house. And he wanted the police to
do something about it. Now I had never met an injured opossum, but it sounded like nothing I wanted any part of because
honestly, what is one supposed to do with an injured – and presumably viciously angry – didelphimorphia marsupial? So I readily
let the other officer on duty answer up for that call. He went out there with a reserve officer and short time later they came back
and reported that it was actually a hedgehog, not really injured, just a little dazed, so they picked it up off the pavement and set
it free in the nearby woods. Mission Accomplished. “Uh, guys, you know hedgehogs aren’t indigenous to this, uh, continent?”
They looked at me blankly so I had to keep explaining. “There are no wild hedgehogs around here. That was somebody’s pet you
just put out in the wild to starve. Or be eaten.” Slowly the looks on their faces gave me an indication they were realizing what
they’d done. “Not only was that a pet,” I continued, “That was an expensive exotic pet! They don’t sell those things in Petco!
Sheesh! C’mon, have you two ever seen an actual wild hedgehog around here? Ever? Anywhere?!” Hmm..I wish I had gone out
on that call after all to save the poor little lost Head Chog. And by the way, what kind of a moron calls 911 and can’t tell the
difference between a hedgehog and a possum?

A man suicided himself in bed with a revolver to the head, creating a Pulp Fiction scene in his bedroom with exploded brain
and blood and tissue and skull pieces splattered just everywhere. Literally. On all four walls, the floor, the ceiling, and even bits
bounced and ricocheted behind furniture. No suicide note left behind, which was disappointing. I had to wait in his apartment
for two hours for the coroner to show up. I was too weirded out to sit down anywhere so I just stood around, marveling at the
selfish and godawful mess the guy had made in his bedroom.