Page 163 - NIXBOOK

Office prank time: When we moved from our old police station to the new one in the city hall, each officer got a file drawer in a
cabinet to put stuff in. Well actually we didn’t get our own drawer each though, we had to share with another officer to save
space. So we had “drawer buddies.” Dave’s drawer was shared with Valerie. I don’t know how I thought this up but it occurred
to me that if I threw the occasional odd items into their drawer, Valerie would presume it belonged to Dave, and Dave would
think it belonged to Valerie. Which is exactly what happened. I found all kinds of fun random things at thrift stores, and put
them in there at the rate of about one thing a week. Things like old random textbooks, random fiction books including romance
novels, an old camera, and a mess of random cords and remote controls. Their drawer slowly accumulated a ton of wtf items.
After a very long 7 months (!) the drawer was eventually packed completely to the top with about 40 pounds of crap and Dave
finally wrote a note to Valerie complaining about how she was hogging the whole damn drawer and could she please get some
of her shit out of there. At which point they both realized then that all of that shit in there belonged to neither of them. When
they emptied out their drawer all the crap in there filled three whole full sized paper grocery bags. It was just glorious.

Me, in a dead woman’s apartment. She’s still there, quite dead. Naked. Freshly dried poop smeared all over the walls. Looks like
she died with extreme distress; her last minute or two must have been complete shitty panic and disorientation. What a terrible
way to go.

Me in a living room; the mother has called to report her missing teenage daughter had come back home after an argument the
night before. Mother pointed to me and yelled at her daughter “See! I told you’d I call the cops! Now you can make a choice,
enlist in the army or go to jail!” Wow, I thought, this is awesome. I like this! Yeah, let’s get a recruiter on the phone. Oh, wait,
that’s right this girl is a heavy dope smoker. No way will she qualify for the armed forces. As I reminded them of that, the cuffs
came out and off to the jail we went.