Page 160 - NIXBOOK

Me, interviewing a high school girl in the police department interview room. She tearfully tells me that she had got drunk at a
party, passed out, and woke up with a penis in her mouth.

Emergency dispatcher reported a motor vehicle collision, with injury. Specifically, the report was that there was “entrapment”
and “trauma to the head” so I turned on all my lights and hit the siren and responded to the scene at Mach 1. I get there and
find only a very minor fender bender with no blood or guts. What had happened was an old lady driving her sedan had bumped
into the car in front of her and there was just enough torqueing of the car’s frame that she could not open her door anymore. So
the 911 caller reported to the 911 call receiver that “she can’t get out of her car” and somewhere between the call receiver typing
the notes into the dispatch system and the 911 dispatcher reading the notes, it got translated into “entrapment.” And the “trauma
to the head” was a result of the old lady, when asked if she was okay, reported a mild headache, which was relayed to 911 by the
witness/caller as a head injury. Another great CenCom dispatch job!

Me, looking for somebody in an apartment complex. I’m on foot walking behind the apartment complex. Come around a corner
and surprised the hell out of some old lady on her back porch; I was less than 10 feet away from her and she was certainly not
expecting to see a police officer there. She looked like she wanted to die from embarrassment because she was still her morning
bathrobe, and had a lit-bowl of marijuana in her hand. I just smiled and apologized for disturbing her.

“Sure is quiet this morning” I said out loud one day on a very quiet boring shift. That caused my coworker to immediately start
swearing and cursing at me for jinxing everything. Sure enough, literally less than 30 seconds later, dispatch calls to us a report
of a man with a gun threatening people. We took care of it, and my coworker spent the next several days swearing at me for
saying the Q word out loud and ruining our calm shift.