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The guy who called 911 anytime – AND EVERY TIME - a neighbor parked even just a little too close to a fire hydrant. He
demanded we write parking tickets immediately. Sometimes I did, and sometimes I just found the offending owner of the car
and asked them to move it please. The complainant got PISSED when I did that. Because he wanted us to write tickets, dammit!

The man who kept calling 911 to self-report that he was driving drunk. Yep, that’s weird. But every time he called (several over
the course of a month or so) he was not even driving. He was actually at home, in his living room. Drunk, yeah. Driving, no. He
just kept calling to say he was driving drunk. In another city. Every time I banged on his front door to get him, he (wisely)
hunkered down in his house and didn’t make a noise.

The Naval Lt. Commander who had a temper tantrum in his front yard during a divorce, throwing things around on the lawn
and driveway. Caused a scene in the neighborhood. Naval Investigative Services agents swarmed in and took over.

The same Lt. Commander, 6 months later, had another tantrum and poured gasoline on a pile of stuff in his driveway, almost
setting a responding police car on fire in the process. He went to jail.

Dentist called 911 to report a burglary. What was stolen? His tank of nitrous oxide. Which was kind of funny.