Page 129 - NIXBOOK

Pro tip for you folks out there considering a career in shoplifting for fun or profit: If choose to commit your crime whilst wearing
a very distinctive fur trapper style hat – the kind with ear flaps, even – and you can get away from the store manager and
successfully flee the scene on foot…I’d highly suggest ditching the hat. Because when the police start looking for you..if you still
have the hat on…you are most definitely going to get caught.

A car has pulled over onto the side of the road, but half of it is still in the lane of travel. I can see it’s an old person driving. I sigh,
and get in behind the car and turn on my lights. I already know exactly what is happening; the new law about not holding your
cell phone in your hands anymore had just gone into effect, creating a new trend among some older drivers: when their phone
rings, they stop driving immedietely to answer the phone. I walk up the car and sure enough, grandma is talking on the phone.
“Hey that’s great you stopped driving to answer your phone,” I told her. “But if you could, I dunno, drive for another 100 feet
and go into that parking lot and get out of the roadway…that’d be great.” Grandma apologized and complied. I sighed, because
that was about the 1oth one I’d had in the last month.

Late at night. Dark. Cold. Raining. A little windy – just enough to drop a very large alder tree branch out of a tree. Branch was
about 13 feet long and thicker than my arm. It landed right in the middle of a windshield of a car driving underneath at the time.
Seriously freaked out the two girls in the car. I got the branch out of their windshield for them.