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Old woman living in a nursing home. Her husband is in one wing with Alzheimer’s, she’s in another section. She visits him
occasionally. She’s in a wheelchair, not because she’s invalid but because, well, she’s lazy. I’m not being judgmental; that’s what
she told me. I’m there because the staff had caught her and her adult son who was visiting her, uh…they got caught having sex.
Yup, with each other. I call the detectives, since this case is going to require some serious interviewing. Detectives show up. My
synopsis for them is a simple note in which I wrote: “I. Can’t. Even.” The old lady did not believe her actions were incestuous;
she told us “This is how I show my love to my son.” Son got banished from the nursing home. Police report goes to the
prosecutors but the prosecutors can’t determine which is the suspect and/or which is the victim, so no charges were filed.

Went to dead man’s house once; a mid-50’s guy who had died in bed. On the floor next to his nightstand, covered in spider webs
and dust was his CPAP oxygen mask, totally ignored and unused. Next to the bed, a well-used and full ashtray. Outside, the
coworker who had found him dead was furiously sucking on a lit cigarette. I looked at him with a very critical eye. “Really?” I
asked. The guy got defensive and replied “Hey my grandfather smoked his whole life, he’s still alive.” Before I could say anything
he then added “And my other grandfather, the one who never smoked, he died years ago. Of cancer! So yeah, I’m a smoker!”

Suicide by car late one rainy night by the motel along the highway. A retired Alaska State Trooper was the dead guy. He had
been staying in the motel by the highway. Witnesses said he had stood by the side of the road, looking like he was waiting for a
big-sized vehicle to come along. Finally he got tired of waiting and jumped out in front of a Ford Aerostar minivan. The poor
driver of the van said he saw the guy’s elbow hit his A-frame pillar by the windshield and sure enough, there was a fist-sized
dent in the metal. Actually an elbow-sized dent. I imagine the elbow had some damage too. What with it being a mini-van, the
guy didn’t die right away. Took some time. Pro tip: if you’re going to suicide yourself using a moving vehicle, use something
bigger than a minivan.