Page 17 - NIXBOOK

At big crime scenes I dodged news reporters and cameramen with satellite vans set up and I watched news camera helicopters
hover noisily overhead. I wrote some press releases and got interviewed plenty of times when I was willing and allowed to.
Usually without being misquoted. I also leaked information to trusted media sources on occasion when I felt it was necessary,
which was fortunately rare.

I learned that suicide by gun is actually not really the most reliable method. Because I saw an alarmingly high number of attempts
that resulted not in death; just significant permanent brain damage. If you want to do it right, here’s a helpful pro tip: you gotta
aim for the brain stem, always. Not the front of the brain, or the side; you have to take out the vital brain stem in the back.

I got called out to investigate more than a few suspicious bags, packs, and packages. Only one was an actual improvised explosive
device. I investigated my share of death threats, bomb threats and arson scenes. I called bomb squads and explosives experts
when needed. I was dispatched to go investigate countless complaints of smoke, noise, road hazards, suspicious people,
unwanted people, and people freaking out. Sometimes they were gone, sometimes I found them. I participated in drug raids, I
served search warrants and arrest warrants, and I searched for all kinds of evidence in cars, houses, buildings, fields, and garbage
cans. I set up barricade crime scene tape and guarded scenes as a containment officer, sometimes to keep people out and
sometimes to keep people in. I investigated illegal tree cutting, brush pickers, poachers, hunters, and off-roaders.

I responded to a lot of stolen cars that were actually just misplaced in large parking lots. Of course quite a few cars were actually
stolen, some quite brazenly. I also found a few stolen cars; one still had the keys in the ignition and the engine was running.