Page 13 - NIXBOOK

I’ve seen people fake seizures and heart attacks to avoid going to jail. Unfortunately it usually worked, although when we really
wanted the arrestees to go to jail we’d follow the aid car to the hospital and re-arrest the fakers as soon as the doctors in the ER
found nothing wrong with them.

I participated in plenty of searches for missing children, missing adults, missing senior citizens, missing spouses, missing
livestock and missing pets. I searched buildings, houses, stores, schools, and vehicles of every kind and I found teen runaways,
harbored fugitives, and all kinds of criminals trying to hide from me in back rooms, in closets, under cars, under mattresses, and
sitting on toilets. Yes, plural hiding under mattresses and plural sitting on toilets. I searched thousands of pockets and wallets
and purses and glove boxes for illegal items and weapons and I embarrassed plenty of people when I found interesting personal
items. I also found hidden guns, drugs, paraphernalia and contraband, and freshly stolen merchandise concealed in all kinds of
strange places. More than few times I found drugs stuffed into the back of my police car rear seat from prisoners. In attempts to
dodge responsibility and culpability I heard a lot of people try to disown the jackets they wearing, the purses they were carrying,
and even the pants they had on. For many years I felt like they were insulting my intelligence but after a while I began to enjoy
the ridiculousness of the lame excuses. Of the thousands of people I asked for ID from, more than a few tried to explain to me
that they had lost their wallets or left them at home. None of them thanked me or appreciated my magical skill when on occasion
I managed to find their missing ID cards and wallets right there in their purses or pockets.

I learned people who act guilty usually are. The guys in the car in front of me who keep turning around to stare nervously at the
police car behind them? The people who when asked their name mumble it real quietly hoping I won’t notice or care? The ones
who keep their full hands behind their backs or in their pockets and the ones who can’t help but keep casting furtive looks at
that one box or envelope or package or thing over there? Guilty. And the loud ones who yelled and complained and protested
non-stop with squawking trash-talking threatening-with-lawyers and lawsuits with righteous offensive? Yep, absolutely very
guilty. I saw more than a few idiots confess to crimes they didn’t commit to take the heat off of boyfriends, girlfriends, and
spouses - sometimes out of loyalty and sometimes out of fear and sometimes I have no idea why.