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Then when we got our first computer system that ran on a Windows based platform - Windows 95 – I discovered autocorrect,
which was at that time was a brand new never before seen feature. I realized I could have it substitute whole words. As usual,
Sgt. Bill was my target. I programmed it to change some of his more commonly used words, like “sincerely” to “sincelery” because
I knew he ended most of his internal memorandums with that word especially. After a few of his memos went out misspelled,
he finally caught on. The best part was when I heard him yelling to another sergeant about it once. “Greg! What the hell is going
on here I don’t understand this computer it keeps changing some of my words!” And Greg, who knew even less about computers
than Bill, dismissively suggested it was all Bill’s fault: “No Bill you somehow keep typing it wrong yourself. Try typing it slower,”
he offered. I watched from across the hall while Bill slowly typed out one of the key words that was vexing him and sure enough,
it immediately changed it to a misspelling while he watched, with big eyes and reddening face. And Greg honestly believed (and
tried to convince Bill) that it was still all his own dumb fault.

One more story about poor old Bill: We (the patrol officers) discovered that he had gotten in the habit of leaving an ignition key
in his patrol car, so it be would one less thing for him to deal with when he ran out to it on a hot call. He had his remote which
he’d use to lock and unlock the door, and so then it was a simple matter to just reach up and turn the ignition key without
having to fumble with it first. So it was too easy for us to find his extra remote control, unlock his car, and turn the key in there
to get the engine running. Then jump out, lock the car, and sit back and wait. Sooner or later old Bill would go out to his car,
find it already running, and presume the most logical explanation, which is that he himself had simply forgot to turn it off. I
don’t know how many times we did that. Sometimes we’d turn it on and then go to his office and tell him “Hey Bill, uh, your car
engine is running?” So we could witness the look of utter confusion on his face. I’m absolutely sure he thought he was losing his
mind sure every time we did that.

When Sgt. Bill (finally) retired, I presented to him at his retirement party a section of the workroom counter he had accidently
shot with his service pistol while cleaning his handgun a few years earlier. During a later remodel I had the public works guys
save that counter and I cut it into a square and framed it with a little plaque; the part that had his bullet hole in it. Sgt. Bill I’m
sure was certainly hoping we had forgotten all about that incident but there it was at his party. And I suspect he never went
home and told his family about that one time he shot the counter, so they were probably a bit surprised to see the framed
counter with the hole in it show up. I had it nicely framed, with a little brass plaque, awarding Bill as a Counter Terrorism Expert.